Craig Snyder
Biography Mr. Craig Snyder, Director of Bands, is a human male from Pittsburgh, PA who teaches at Penncrest High School. He is usually found in his unapproachable cave where he keep 3 cases of diet sprite and a bag of stale chips. Snyder enjoys day-to-day activities such as laughing at his own bad jokes or telling students stories during first period while they play Minecraft on their phones. Snyder is a powerful blackbelt who has a history of being the first line of defense during lockdown drills. Once, during a band trip, he singe-handedly fended off a gang of gorillas at the zoo in order to save Neil Patel's life, winning the hearts of all the band moms. Appearance Snyder usually wears a sweater or sometimes a really ugly cardigan, but still questions why no one looks at him while he is conducting. Although, he has very good taste in suits and ties, it is widely believed that his wife, Sue, helps him. Sue is the best person on the planet. Everyone should be more like Sue. Snyder usually has some form of facial hair and may have had pierced ears at one point. It is unknown if he has any tattoos or other piercing but legend has it that Seth Beverly gave him a tramp stamp of Joe Biden playing footsies with Louis Armstrong after losing a bet. Political Views Mr. Snyder hates terrorists and Gianna. Also hates people who say "Challah" and the kid on 2nd French Horn. Mr. Snyder loves Powers/ abilities Snyder has the ability to command the entire PHS Marching Band army. He has done so by conditioning teens brains into reacting to dress commands, but still can't get them to all march in time or count while they do it. He also has the ability to meddle in the annual officer elections and create positions that didn't formerly exist. Daily Life Mr. Snyder has the role of teaching the Penncrest Band every day. This includes running rehearsals with Wind Ensemble 1st period, Concert Band 7th, and Percussion sectionals 8th. From 4th to 6th period, Snyder runs daily lunch "lessons" where you are actually graded on your ability to play an audition for a band you aren't going to be in or sight read from a website with the shittiest, most outdated algorithm. Snyder also enjoys making eye contact with students and not breaking it, especially in hallways. This is known as the Snyder Test of Wills. The prey wants to break eye contact but feels awkward, so smiles and waves instead. But the hallway is too long and Snyder feeds off awkward energy, so he continues to stare at them and makes a witty remark as he passes the student. Then the student walks in shame for the next minute thinking about what just happened. Career Mr. Snyder went to Penn State and South Oregon University. It was there he that studied Music Ed. He was trained by a powerful music lord named Tim Shafer who showed him the ways of the Music Educator. In the 1990s, Snyder was hired by Rose Tree Media School District and taught at Springton Lake Middle School. During his time there, his patience and love for children diminished and soon began to grow angry. One day, while sleeping in his beautiful bed in Glen Mills, he woke up in a cold sweat having dreamed a prophecy that a his son would become a trombone player. Because of this, he swore that he would never let a student drop down to that level and retired from being a band director at Springton. He moved up the ranks and became the band director at Penncrest High School where he swore to destroy all 1st trumpets and terrorists, unless they proved their worth by making all-state band, including the terrorists. Hobbies Every summer, Snyder takes part in the annual Pittsburgh Dutch sausage extravaganza fest to connect with his German heritage. He has won the hot dog Jenga contest for the past 40 years, accumulating $350. He also plays in the Penn State Alumni Mariachi Band and cosplays as Beatlejuice from time to time. His favorite movies include West Side Story and ''When the Wind Blows ''when the man says "damn" and leaves. Snyder was president of the Star Wars book club at Penn State and is an ordained Jedi. Allies and Enemies